Any positive press about Dream Theater ultimately focuses on the band’s “dazzling virtuosity.” For any band, this is usually a clear warning to stay far away. For Dream Theater, the further the better.

“Falling Into Infinity” is full of pomposity that attempts to manipulate the listener with overblown dynamics and cheesy dramatics. On any given song, one is reminded of slews of yesteryear’s bands – none of which are any good. In the first song alone, Guns’n Roses, Asia and latter-day Rush are prominent. It is impossible to say just what Dream Theater themselves sound like without referring to the has-beens they rip off. After awhile the effect of listening becomes one big blur of horrible ‘80s sounds (overly boisterous guitar, wimpy synth, male falsetto vocals) that were long ago pushed deep into the subconscious with the hopes that they’d never return. Well, like the whole ‘80s hair-metal “movement,” those painful memories are back, spurred by Dream Theater, who also mix pop-rock and prog rock into their cocky stew. Though D.T’s metal tendencies lean mostly toward the wimpiest of the ‘80s metal bunch like Cinderella, Winger and Extreme, they attempt to show they have cajones on the single “Burning My Soul” but still fall flat despite the presence of a few (comparatively) beefy riffs. This is mainly due to overproduction that would render a Slayer song flaccid and bland lead singer, John Petrucci, who spends too much time in the high-end range. Any lyricist who is not in, say, high school knows to avoid cliches such as rhyming “pain” and “rain,” but Petrucci manages to use it in a chorus, no less!

When I was in the 10th grade my class was shown an anti-drug film about some guy who was administered lots of PCP in order to coerce him into killing someone. Perhaps they should update that film to include the music of Dream Theater, because I don’t believe “Falling Into Infinity” can be experienced in its entirety without compelling the listener to throttle the nearest sibling or house pet.

—Mitchell Foy