A Week In The Life: Mike Portnoy

Workaholic, movie nut, recovering alcoholic and worse than useless as a handyman, the Dream Theater drummer tells Dave Ling how he spends a typical off-the-road week.

“When I’m on the road I’m able to be my lazy, irresponsible carefree self, but at home I usually have to curtail some of that.

“My oldest daughter’s now four and a half, but even after almost five years I’m still adjusting to being a parent. I’ve always been a ridiculously late sleeper; before I was married with kids I’d turn in at 5am and wake up at 2pm. Now I still go to sleep at around 4am and my wife wakes me around 11am. Fortunately we have an au pair who helps her out with the kids .

“Three days a week I drive my daughter, Melody, to her school, which starts at midday. I’m a zombie for the first hour. Which is why for me there’s nothing worse than dealing with fans who are waiting outside the tour bus when I’ve just woken up. Until I’ve had three cups of coffee and spent a half hour in front of my computer I’m a waste of space.

“After I’ve zapped myself into reality, my day begins. Usually it will consist of at least six more visits to the computer – as much time as I can get away without my wife screaming or yelling at me! – then various other things, including food. Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day, but I usually have to go straight to lunch – pizza or a deli sandwich. Maybe I’ll run a couple of errands while I’m out.

“When I get back it’s straight onto the computer again. I get around 50 emails a day. A lot of that’s fan mail stuff, and I respond to most of it with a form letter because I can’t possibly answer them all. But there are always questions that need answering, whether it’s about an upcoming tour, a recording session, artwork that needs approving, or a drum clinic. I can’t go more than 24 hours without logging on, because those email messages build up very quickly and very soon you’re completely fucked.

“Do I practise the drums every day? Are you kidding?! I haven’t practised in 10 years. I spend half my life behind the kit, and it’s the last thing I want to do when I get home. I’d much rather sit on the couch and watch TV with my kids. The band don’t rehearse either, although we used to before we had wives and kids. We only get together when there’s an album or a tour. I’m one of those spoiled freaks who’s able to do that stuff naturally. I hate discipline; I’d never be able to work a day job.

“Until about two years ago, my evenings consisted of going out to the bars and getting drunk, but now they’re taken up by Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. I’m a recovering alcoholic, and maintaining my sobriety is now very big part of my life. I go to meetings five or six nights each week and it’s fundamentally changed my lifestyle. I’m sometimes invited socially to a bar, but I try to stay away from them, and if it gets uncomfortable I get away quickly.

“I don’t even have friends over to my house – I try to avoid friends! I have enough of those when I’m on the road, and my wife, kids and dog are all the friends I need. When I’m home I’d be happy to not leave the house for six months at a time. I’d just closet myself in with my DVD collection. My basement is crammed full of literally thousands of DVDs and videos, and there’s never enough time to catch up with those. I would need a good solid year on a desert island to make a dent in the movies that I have collected. So I take the phone off the hook and enjoy as many of my library of films as I can. I’m a movie junkie. My most fun time of the week is to go shopping for DVDs. I spend ridiculous amounts of money, especially when I’m on tour.

“I used to be a huge boxing fan, but I find it hard to keep up with now that I’ve got my kids. I’m definitely an obsessive-compulsive. If I can cut an addiction out of my life, that’s helpful. Boxing was an addiction , and so were the drinking and partying, but getting rid of those only makes room for other addictions – like collecting things.

“Once the family go to sleep at night, that time’s for myself. I catch up on movies, TV shows that I like. I enjoy spending time with the kids while they’re awake, and I miss the hell out of them when I’m away, but if I want to catch up on emails or things that I want to do, that time’s for myself. At night I really clean out the mailbox, or I’ll sit and spend some time reading the Dream Theater message boards, or the board at www.mikeportnoy.com – there’s always something there.

“What I’ve been telling you about would be my routine on a typical weekday. And my weekend is only marginally different. I don’t get involved in the weekly shop, and as a handyman I’m worse than useless – my wife has had to learn how to fix things or do the gardening. The only thing I do around the house is the laundry.

“Even when I’ve promised her I’ll make myself more available between tours, it’s difficult. The faxes and phones are always ringing, and every single detail of the careers of Dream Theater or even [his prog supergroup side project] Transatlantic has to go through me first. I’m definitely a workaholic. I lay in bed and come up with set-lists or ideas, and have to get up and jot them down.

“Since I’ve been in AA, I’ve tried to work on slowing life down and being a better husband a father, but it’s hard. As you get older, life goes so much quicker. I find myself waking up and the next thing I know I’m sleeping again. I start something on a Monday and it’s suddenly Friday. It’s frightening!”